Monday, November 12, 2007

Bionic Woman—The List

We’re a little late in getting out our review of our Wednesday night shows but writer’s strike or no, Bionic Woman has been getting progressively worse since its premiere.

The show is on its third show-runner and the way it keeps bleeding off viewers, we may have one less “select” television program to review in the near future.

This week’s episode turned the corner on this show from unfulfilled potential to boring to now barely watchable—even during the 2-minute replays on the NBC website.

Ok, in the immortal words of Faber College’s Dean Vernon Wermer—“Let’s finish this damn thing.”

The Upshot from NBC: The Berkut Group has to team up with the CIA to catch a dangerous man, Victor (Callum Keith Rennie) who is selling a list naming the Berkut Group and CIA operatives. When Jaime (Michelle Ryan) and Tom (Jordan Bridges) are partnered on the mission in Paris, they find themselves in the city of love, competing and flirting with each other, while still trying to maintain a professional relationship. Meanwhile, Becca (Lucy Hale) lands herself in jail when she tries to impress a boy and Jonas (Miguel Ferrer) has to bail her out.

Victor is setting up another buyer for his list of both CIA and Berkut covert operatives at the Sahrawi Embassy in Paris. The problem is, no one knows what Victor looks like, since he has had multiple reconstructive surgeries, and they're going to have to work with the CIA. Jaime suggests Tom, the picture perfect spook from last episode so they can spy hard and then maybe make a love connection.

Under cover as Mrs. and Mrs. Spook, Jaime will have to scan the eyes of two hundred cocktail party guests, so Nathan the tech guy can ID Victor using iris scanning software via Jaime’s on-again-off-again bionic eye camera (more on that later).

They scan the partygoers, until Jaime leads them to a guy in a white dinner jacket, and introduces Tom as a Picasso expert. Jaime can't scan his eyes, so when he offers to show them a painting, she accepts the invitation.

Jaime identifies the guy in the white dinner jacket as Victor, just as he locks them in a wine vault. Jaime wastes time calling Ruth (Molly Price) on her cell phone to whine that they are locked in the vault—but don’t they know that since they were watching via the aforementioned eye camera?????

So far during the life of the show, Ruth’s only purpose has been to give people freaky tests and to act as the resident nag.

Jaime locates Victor behind a locked door, and Tom says he's going in alone. So Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson waste time arguing yet the bad guys don’t’ hear them. One prolonged, poorly-choreographed fight later, Tom is captured.

Later, Tom is waiting for Jaime at a table in the café wearing a bomb. In a fanboy moment, he talks about how he used to read comics as a kid…one group the Freedom Fighters and the Human Bomb where he opens his jacket to show the vest of C4 he’s wearing.

Dressed as a waiter, Victor delivers the list in a menu. As soon as Jaime scans it, she hits him in the head with the bag of money, which splits open. Everyone starts shooting. Under the table, Jaime waits while Nathan tells her which wire to pull to disarm Tom's bomb. Once the charge is disabled, Tom takes off running after Victor but bionic Jaime catches him first.

Throughout the entire episode Jaime is treated as a backward child by the spooks because she acts like one. We think maybe the writers this show went on strike a wee-bit early.

It’s one thing for Jaime’s character to be naive and ignorant of a new world and a culture she knew absolutely nothing of before her accident but thanks to the revolving door of show-runners and an otherwise undistinguished writing staff, this Bionic Woman—the often mentioned “$50 million weapon”-- comes off dimmer than a three-watt bulb.

Paging Sarah Corvus (Katee Sackhoff)…you’re needed to help save this show…STAT!


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