Final Crisis #1 “Directors Cut Special”—Are They F*&king Kidding??????

It’s amazing the things that can make one’s blood boil. Here FanBoyWonder was at home enjoying our last day of vacation before we have to jump back into the work-week grind when we came across a most surprising “coming attraction” on the DC Comics website listing of the August comic books.

Among the ubiquitous Final Crisis crossovers designed to broaden the reading experience of DC Comics’ latest “event” (as well as to drain more money from average fanboy and fangirl’s coin purse) is something that at first we thought had to be a joke—Final Crisis #1 Director’s Cut Special.

“Are they f$#king kidding???” That’s a quote verbatim of the words that escaped our lips at a higher than indoor voice level when we read this on our computer screen.

Unfortunately for Grandpa FanBoyWonder, Brianna The Girl Wonder was just a few feet away from us watching her Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel (Hey—forget water boarding. The boys at Gitmo should try playing 24/7 of just “tween” television programming—the prisoners will tell you ANYTHING you want to know after Hour 8, just to make it stop) when we uttered our “bad word.”

It didn’t take us that long to recover from being chastised by a 7-year-old girl before we were good and mad again (although in a much quieter way) at this nakedly absurd attempt by DC at—pardon our French—polishing a turd. Worse, they are marketing it as if they are doing us a favor.

Here’s the Upshot from DC Comics: “Come on a guided tour of DC's FINAL CRISIS #1 and become further enveloped in the event of the century. Delve deep into the mind-blowing first issue as we explore what every page and panel represents, and the process behind the story as Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones reveal secrets hidden in the script and art.”

In case you are wondering, FC “Directors Cut” is 64 pages and will cost you $4.99 (“a fool and his money are soon parted”) while the original Final Crisis #1 was $3.99 and 40 pages.

Are we wrong in thinking that readers should NOT have to pay ANOTHER $4.99 to have explained to us what should have been SELF-EVIDENT in the story from the start????

Bad enough when the trade press rump-swabs at Newsarama or Wizard would sycophantically “interview” Dan DiDio or some DC editor so they could explain and answer reader questions as to just what exactly happened in the latest issue of Infinite Crisis/52/Countdown/Trinity. Now they expect us to pay for it????

Memo to Dan DiDio, Grant Morrison and J.G. Jones—Please don’t p**s down our leg and tell us it’s raining.

Our best pal Kemosabe summed it up more succinctly—“That’s just offensive.”

Does anybody think we’re wrong-headed on this? Come on…we can take it.